【Perez公器私用練英文024＆025&026】
The Miracle
(本內文有部分髒話，為保原文翻譯，將悉數照登)
原文網址：https://www.theplayerstribune.com/posts/federico-valverde-la-liga-real-madrid-uruguay-soccer
時間：2023/11/14
作者：Federico Valverde
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| Daniel Ochoa de Olza for The Players' Tribune |
Looking back on my life, I’ve had three perfect days.
回顧我至今一生，我經歷了三次完美的一天。
The first was the day that Real Madrid came calling for me.
第一次是皇家馬德里登門邀請我加入他們的那一天。
The second was the day that my son Benicio was born.
第二次是我的兒子班尼西奧出生的那一天。
And the third was the day that my son Bautista was born.
第三次是我的兒子巴蒂斯塔出生的那一天。
For that third perfect day, my family had to go through hell.
為了這第三個完美的一天，我們全家入地獄也在所不惜。
I want to tell you that story. I’m not usually a talker. I like to keep things to myself. But I feel I need to tell it, because I know it can help some people. Especially guys like me who prefer to hide their pain from everybody. And trust me, there are a lot of us in South America.
我想跟你分享這個故事，我通常不是個好的演講者，我更習慣把事情藏在自己心底。但我覺得我需要把它講出來，因為我相信這能幫到一些人，尤其是一些跟我依樣會把痛苦在大家眼前藏起來的人。相信我，在南美洲，有著許多這樣的人。
But in order to tell this story, we have to start at the beginning.
但在說這個故事之前，我們得先從最一開始說起。
If I am going to talk to you as the man that I am now, then you have to understand the boy that I was.
如果我要跟你分享我現在是怎麼樣的一個男子，我得先讓你了解我曾是怎麼樣的一個男孩。
In Uruguay, things are just different. Hardship is in our blood. I don’t like to say we were poor. I prefer to say my mom and dad were hustlers.
在烏拉圭，世界有另一套邏輯。硬頸精神融在我們的血液中。我不喜歡說我們家很窮，我更傾向用「我的父母都是為生活拼搏的狠角色」來形容。
My dad worked as a security guard at the casino. My mom sold clothes and toys from a street cart at the flea market. I can still hear the sound of the wheels as she was pushing her huge shopping cart full of boxes down the street. It seemed like something only The Hulk could do, and it was just my poor little mum! But she was a warrior, man. She was going to get that cart to the market — in the heat, the cold, the thunder.
我爸是個賭場保鑣、我媽是跳蚤市場街角一個賣二手衣服跟玩具的小販。我依稀還能聽到她推著她滿載貨箱的推車輪子發出的嘎吱聲，那像是只有綠巨人浩克才能使出的力氣，竟然是我瘦弱可憐的媽媽推的！但各位，她是個勇猛的戰士，她無論寒暑打雷，始終推著推車前往市場兜售。
I used to go along with her sometimes and sit on top of the boxes, watching the cars go by, without realizing her sacrifice. The worst part was that, at the end of a long day, you had to fold all the clothes and pack up everything again and push the f****** cart back home! Then cook dinner! And wash my dirty socks! Can you imagine? I’m telling you — my mother, she’s my hero.
我以前不懂她的犧牲奉獻，會坐在貨箱頂端當跟屁蟲，看著汽車在馬路上魚貫而過。最糟糕的部分是，在漫長的一天渡過後，還得把所有東西折好、打包裝箱然後把那他媽的推車推回家！然後煮晚餐跟洗我的臭襪子！你能想像這種生活嗎？我跟你說—我媽，是我心目中的英雄。
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| Courtesy Valverde Family |
She worked from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. and my dad worked 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. So you can do the math. We had one golden hour to sit together and eat our little piece of meat for the three of us. And what’s incredible to me now, thinking back on everything, is that my mom always made sure that I had my Coke. Man, I was a little brat about my soda. In Spain or in America, it will seem like nothing to most people. “It’s just a Coke. It’s almost free.” But for me, it was more like champagne.
她過著朝八晚七的生活，爸爸則是晚上八點工作到早上六點。好，你大概能算出來了：我們只有一個小時的黃金時間能夠共坐一堂，三個人共享一塊小不拉機的肉。回首往事，讓我覺得不可思議的事情是，我總是能為我變出可樂喝。各位，我當時就是個愛喝氣泡飲料的小屁孩。對大部分西班牙或美國人，那好像不算什麼，「可樂而已欸，這幾乎跟免費差不多」但對我來說，當時它就像我的香檳。
What she sacrificed sometimes so I could have my can of Coke, I don’t even know. I’m not sure I want to. As a kid, you’re naive. You see your mom not eating a meal, and you think, “Oh, she’s not hungry? That’s weird. I’m starving.”
我到現在都還不清楚，她究竟犧牲了什麼換來我手中的可樂，我也不敢確定我到底想不想知道。作為一個孩子，難免過分天真，看到媽媽茶不思飯不想，你只會覺得說「喔，媽媽不餓喔？好奇怪喔，我餓得要命欸。」
Looking back, you understand what she was doing.
如今回首，才知道她當時的用心良苦。
As long as we were together at the dinner table at the end of the day, that was her happiness.
長日將結，我們晚餐時間的相聚，那是她專屬的幸福時光。
To me, this moment we lived together every night is la garra. It’s like our grit, our spirit, our courage. For an hour, sitting together with our little piece of meat, we were happier than anyone.
對我來說，我們每晚共度的那些時光，就是「鬥志」(原文：爪)的展現。那象徵著我們的毅力(原文：砂礫)、我們的精神、我們的勇氣。坐在一起享受那一小塊肉的一小時，我們是全世界最幸福的人。
Maybe we didn’t have enough money to paint our entire house, but we painted one of the walls in my room, and it felt new. Or my dad would spray me with the hose outside and we pretended that was our little swimming pool.
大概是因為我們家沒有足夠的錢粉刷整個家，但我們漆了我房間的一片牆，讓它看起來煥然一新。或我爸會水龍頭接水管到家外朝我噴水，幻想我們家有個小游泳池。
That’s la garra.
那，就是鬥志。
Still, if I am being honest, our circumstances marked me. Once you start playing football and you see that your friends have more than you — even if it’s just a little more — it can be embarrassing. I remember not wanting my teammates to come over to my house because we only had three channels on TV — the free ones! In the summer, you would go to bed at night and hear the cockroaches chilling in the corner. My bed was just a mattress on the floor. The springs were so busted that if you laid in the middle, you’d get “sandwiched” and have to yell for help. Hahaha.
時至今日，要我說實話，那些境遇刻出了我的性格。一旦你開始踢球，就會意識到身旁朋友擁有的比你更多—那可不是只多一點點—這件事情是很尷尬的。我記得當時我不想讓隊友來我家玩，因為我們家的電視只有「免費的」三台可看！每當夏天晚上，上床睡覺時，聽見蟑螂在你房間牆角開趴的聲音。而我的床也不過僅僅是一張地板上的床墊而已。彈簧老早就壞掉了，如果你躺在中間，你會直接被夾成床墊三明治，還得靠出聲求救才能脫身，哈哈。
It’s funny to me now. But back then, I was a bit ashamed. You know how brutal kids can be at 11, 12 years old. I thought they would bust my balls if they saw how we lived. So I was a very quiet kid, always to myself.
現在的我可以一笑置之。但回到當初，我會感到有點丟臉。你知十一、二歲的小鬼有多野蠻，如果他們看到我們家的生活方式，我猜他們會打爆我的足球。因此，我是個很沈默寡言的小孩，直到現在我都是如此。
I channeled my emotions into football. And through football, I was able to change my family’s situation. Unfortunately, it also changed me. When I turned professional with Peñarol at 16, I thought that I was a God. I don’t think people understand how crazy it is to go from being a nobody to walking down the street in your city and all of a sudden you have grown men wanting a selfie with you. You’re getting DMs from girls who wouldn’t even look at you last week. Everybody wants to be your friend.
我讓足球成為我情緒抒發的管道。透過足球，我有辦法改變我們家裡的情況。不幸的是它也改變了我。當我16歲進入佩納羅爾職業隊的時候，我認為我已經是神明一般。我不認為人們會了解從默默無聞到，走在你的城市的大街上，瞬間有許多大人搶著跟你合照是多瘋狂的一件事。你會從那些上禮拜甚至看也不看你一眼的女孩那裡收到無數私訊。人人都想跟你攀親帶友。
Even if you have great parents like mine, it’s impossible not to stray off the path. For those of us who grew up in the social media era, the influence is too strong.
就算你有像我父母一樣好的家人，也不可能不迷失在自己該走什麼路。對於我們這些社群媒體原住民，影響力實在太強大了。
For every 1 kid who succeeds moving overseas, you don’t see the 100 who fail. - Fede Valverde
每一個在海外獲得成功的孩子，後面都有一百個你沒看到的失敗案例。—佛德里克巴爾偉德
I remember my dad telling me, “Hey, why don’t you hang out with So-and-So anymore? What’s wrong with you? He was your boy from way back when you were playing in the street!”
我記得我爸跟我說，「嘿，你怎麼不跟誰誰誰出去玩了？你還好嗎？他是你在街頭𨑨迌時就跟你混的死黨欸！」
But I had replaced old friends with new ones, like a lot of young footballers.
但我當時讓新朋友佔據了我舊朋友的朋友圈，就像很多年輕足球員一樣。
It’s not like I was doing anything too crazy. But I was a brat. I remember little kids waiting behind the fence for my autograph and thinking, “Ehhhh. I’m too tired today.”
不是說我做了什麼很瘋狂的事，但我當時太屁了。我記得有些小孩會在籬笆外等我要我的簽名，當時的我會想「啊啊啊，我今天累死了。」
All these kids screaming: “Fede! Hey, Fede! Please!”
那些小孩們會尖叫：「小佛！嘿，小佛！拜託啦！」
It would have cost me two minutes, and I turned my back.
那會拖住我兩分鐘的時間，然後，我會再度轉身離開。
Looking back, it kills me, because my parents didn’t educate me like that. In reality, I was nobody. I was just one more idiot who was playing football, fighting for his dreams. What happened to the kid who was happy with a Coke?
回首當時，我羞憤到想要把自己給宰了，因為我的父母從來不是這樣教我的。事實上我當時還是個無名小卒，我只是又一個在踢足球、為夢想搏鬥的笨蛋罷了。當時那個光是一罐可樂就能無限快樂的孩子跑去哪了？
The only way that I can explain it is that I was blinded by the sudden fame.
我唯一能夠開脫這些瘋狂行為的話，只能說我當時被突如其來的名利遮蔽了雙眼。
That’s also when I really started to learn about the business side of football.
那也是我開始了解關於足球的商業一面。
If you Google me, you will see stories about how I almost went to Arsenal when I was 16. That’s maybe half-true. It’s nothing against Arsenal, but I never wanted to go to England. At that time, the business side of football took over. Certain people were telling me, “Who wouldn’t want to go play for Arsenal? You want to stay here in Uruguay? That’s crazy!”
去Google我的名字，你會看到關於我十六歲幾乎要轉隊到的阿森納的故事。那個故事有真有假。不是阿森納的問題，而是我壓根兒沒想去英格蘭工作過。當時足球是商業掛帥，有些人會跟我說：「誰不會想去阿森納踢球啊？你想待在烏拉圭踢球？你瘋啦！」
What they were really saying under their breath was, “We can all make a lot of money if you go.”
藏在他們話中呼吸間的內容是：「你去阿森納踢球，我們大家就都能發大財啦！」
You realize that your life is not your own in football. Especially at a young age, you feel more like a hostage. Even your family becomes a hostage. Football is an escape to a better life, especially for us in South America, and the vultures know that. They put the pressure on you in a “nice” way.
你會了解在足球界，你的生涯不屬於你自己，尤其是你還青澀的時候，你更像是他人手中的人質，甚至你的家人都是如此。足球是登上更好生活的逃生口，尤其對南美洲人來說，而那些「禿鷹」也深知此節。他們會以「更好的未來」為藉口對你施壓。
“Damn, Fede, if you go to Arsenal, you’ll have a nice bed and a shower that stays warm for 30, 40 minutes! Who wouldn’t want that life?”
「天殺的，小佛，你如果去阿森納，你就會有舒服的床，跟洗三四十分鐘都恆溫的淋浴間噎，誰不要過這種人生啊？」
They sent me on trial to London for a week, and I just wasn’t comfortable. If you only think of material things, it sounds great. But we are not robots. The reality was that my family couldn’t come to London with me. I’d have to live alone, not speaking the language, at 16 years old.
他們把我送到倫敦試訓一個禮拜，而我感到不太適應。如果你只顧慮物質生活的話，一切可圈可點。但我們不是機器人，事實是我的家人不能跟我一起前往倫敦居住，十六歲的我得在一個我隻字不會的地方獨居。
For every one kid who succeeds moving overseas, you don’t see the 100 who fail.
每一個在海外獲得成功的孩子，後面都有一百個你沒看到的失敗案例。
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| Daniel Ochoa de Olza for The Players' Tribune |
I was either crazy enough or courageous enough to say no. Give me freezing showers as long as I can stay with my family. In my head, I was thinking I would stay in Uruguay for my whole career.
我要嘛是夠瘋狂、要嘛是夠勇敢拒絕了前往阿森納。只要我能跟家人待在一起，永遠洗冰水澡也沒關係。在我的腦海裡，我已經覺得我會在烏拉圭度過我的整個職涯了。
Then I got the call that changed my whole life. I was playing at the South American Under-17 Championship in Paraguay. I had been killing it, and we were about to play a big match against Argentina the next day. I was sitting in my hotel room, and my parents were there staying in another room. My mom called me and said, “Hey, come to our room right now. There’s some people here who want to talk to you.”
而這時，我接到了一個改變我一生的召喚。當時我在巴拉圭舉辦的南美洲U17美洲盃出賽。我為此奮戰，並且第二天要面對跟阿根廷的大戰。我正坐在飯店房間，我爸媽在另一個房間裡頭。
我媽撥電話給我跟我說：「嘿，馬上來我們房間，有人想跟你聊一聊。」
We had a curfew and weren’t supposed to leave our rooms, so I said, “I can’t, Mum. I gotta go.”
我們當時有宵禁，時間到了就不能出房間，所以我跟媽媽說：「媽，不行啦，我要掛電話了。」
I hung up.
我就掛電話了。
She called me back, “Fede, come now. These men are from Real Madrid.”
她旋即回電：「小佛，馬上過來。他們是皇家馬德里的。」
Literally, I thought she was pulling a prank. I rushed over to the room to see what was going on, and sure enough, there were two guys there I’d never seen before. She had tears in her eyes. But she’s always crying, so I still didn’t know what to think!
我當時真的覺得她在騙我。我衝出房間去搞清楚到底怎麼回事，而我確定的是，我看到了兩個我沒看過的人。她熱淚盈眶，但她常常掉眼淚，所以我還不確定要想怎麼應對！
I said, “Mom, without being disrespectful….”
「媽，我不是要沒禮貌......」我說。
She said, “Fede. Shut up. Listen to these men. They have some good news for you.”
她說：「小佛，閉嘴。聽這些人說話就好，他們有些好消息要跟你說。」
I remember thinking that the guys must be from Peñarol. I thought they were going to give me a new contract, and the first thought in my 16-year-old brain was: Damn, maybe I can buy some nice new Nike boots for the match against Argentina. Maybe I can even get a PlayStation.
我記得我當時覺得那兩個人一定是帕納羅爾的工作人員，他們要給我一紙新合約，而當時十六歲的我腦海裡的第一個想法是：「該死，我應該要買些Nike的新鞋去打對阿根廷的比賽。還是我乾脆買台PS好了。」
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| Norberto Duarte/AFP via Getty |
The guys started speaking in Castilian, not South American Spanish, and I thought: Holy shit. They’re not from around here. Is this real?
那些人開始說起卡斯提爾西文(標準西班牙文之一)，不是南美西文，我就想說：「吃屎啦。他們不是這裡的人，真的假的啊？」
They told me, “We’re from Real Madrid. We believe that you can become a star for us. We want you and your parents to move over to Madrid.”
他們跟我說：「我們是皇家馬德里的人，我們相信你會是我們的明日之星。我們想要請你跟你的家人們，搬來馬德里生活。」
I looked at my mom. I looked at my agent like: “Nah. You’re f****** with me.”
我盯著作為我的經紀人的我媽。眼神像是說著：「不是，幹，你不是在唬爛我吧。」
My mom looked back like: “Shut up, Fede. We are not f****** with you.”
我媽回盯著我，眼神像是回嘴：「閉嘴小佛，幹，我們不是在唬爛你。」
There are 500,000 players in the world and Madrid want to sign me? What???
全世界有五十萬個足球員，然後皇馬要簽我？蛤？？？
I literally ran out of the room. I was yelling, “Where’s Dad? I need to tell Dad!!!”
我當下真的直接衝出房間，我漫天大喊：「老爸咧？我要跟老爸說話！」
I ran down to the lobby. My dad was standing around talking to one of the other parents, and I said, “Dad!!!! Dad!!! Madrid are here!!!!”
我直接衝到大廳，老爸站在大廳，四處跟其他家長聊天，我連忙跟他說：「老爸！！！老爸！！！馬德里在這！！！」
He said, “What? What do you mean they’re here? Where?”
他丈二金剛。「啥？什麼叫他們在這？在哪？」
I said, “Up in the room! They want to sign me! Real Madrid want to sign me!”
我說道：「在樓上房間！他們想要簽我！皇家馬德里想要簽我！」
He looked at me like I was the craziest person in the world. He said, “Up in the room??? Well what are you doing down here??? Get back up there, you idiot!!!!”
它看著我，像是看到世界上最瘋的瘋子。他說：「樓上房間？？？欸，那你現在在這幹嘛？快給我回去，白癡啊你！！！」
Hahahah. Zoom — I sprinted running back up to the room, and thankfully the guys from Madrid were still there, and it wasn’t all a f****** dream.
哈哈哈哈。咻—我衝回房間，萬幸皇馬的工作人員還在那裡，而那不是我他媽的在做夢。
That was the first perfect day of my life. Because I saw how excited my parents were. My mom cries for anything, but my dad is a rock. It takes a lot for him to show emotion, but I saw a tiny little crack! Hahahah. I saw the light in his eyes, you know?
那是我人生第一個完美的一天，因為我看到了我爸媽有多欣喜若狂。我媽常常掉眼淚，但我父親是個磐石般的硬漢。要讓他表現出情緒，得要花上很大的力氣，但我看到這顆磐石少有的瞥見了他的裂痕！哈哈哈，我看到了他眼中綻放的光芒，你能想像嗎？
“My son plays for Real Madrid.”
「我兒子要為皇馬踢球了。」
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| Juan Manuel Serrano Arce/Getty |
There’s no price in the world you can put on that sentence.
這句話，你用世界萬物都不能為它標價。
I was on top of the world. For a few months. Then life reminded me to be humble, as it always does.
當下我簡直覺得我是世界之王了。但短短幾個月後，就像生命常常做的，給了我一記提醒我要謙遜的警鐘。
I can tell you the exact moment when I realized that I was a punk.
我可以跟你分享我是哪一個時間點，了解到我是個街頭小咖(直譯：龐克)。
Listen, you have to understand something. Really imagine that you are me for a second.
聽著，你得了解一下，完全設身處地的把你當成我一下。
You are 17 years old. Two years ago, you were sleeping in the sandwich bed on the floor. Now you’re signing for Real Madrid?
你才17歲。兩年前你在一張地上可以把你夾成三明治的床上睡覺。現在你要成為皇馬的球員了？
Man, how can you not become delusional?
兄弟，你要怎麼不覺得自己是中了幻術？
When I came to Madrid, I thought that I was Messi and Cristiano in one body. Hahahah! Seriously!
當我抵達馬德里的時候，我感覺自己像是梅羅合體，哈哈哈，真的啦！
In my defense, when you are 17, you have no clue how dumb you really are, especially if they give you a little bit of money and praise. That combination is a hell of a drug.
在我的認知，你17歲的時候，壓根兒不會知道自己有多蠢，特別是他們給了一點蠅頭小利跟小名的時候，綜合在一起，就是讓人成癮的地獄。
But I got my wakeup call really quick. My first training session with Real Madrid Castilla, I came into the dressing room like I was walking on clouds. I was so confident. Vamos. I don’t even remember anything about training. It was a blur. But I do remember afterward, everybody was getting dressed, and I’m looking around, taking it all in … and then I actually start noticing what everybody is wearing.
但我的醒鐘來得很快。我第一堂跟著皇馬卡斯提拉(二隊)的訓練課，我走進更衣室的步伐猶如漫步在雲端。我超有自信。尬電！快看！我甚至不記得關於訓練課的任何事情，像是一片朦朧。但我記得後來所有人著裝完畢時，我環顧周遭，仔細確認......我這才開始注意到，大家身上穿得是什麼行頭。
Gucci belts.
Gucci的皮帶。
Brand new Nikes. No scuffs.
全新的、毫無磨損的Nike。
Louis Vuitton wallets. Louis Vuitton toilet bags.
LV的錢包跟梳理袋。
Remember, this is not even the legends! We are not talking about Benzema and Modrić and Marcelo! These are the kids!
還記得嗎，這些人甚至不是什麼大咖耶！我們不是在談本澤馬、莫德里奇、馬歇羅，這些人都還只是毛頭小子而已噎！
I had this realization, like a thunderbolt: Oh shit, Fede. You’re wearing a two euro T-shirt.
當我認清事實，如同晴天霹靂。
「吃屎啦，小佛，你現在穿的是兩歐元一件的T恤。」
For me, Zara was expensive. In Uruguay, if you’re wearing some Zara, you’re a boss. I’m looking around seeing guys wearing watches that cost more than my parents’ house back home.
對我來說，Zara就是奢侈品了。在烏拉圭，只有老闆階級的人才穿得起Zara。我環顧四周，大家光是配戴著的手錶，甚至就比我老家的房子還貴了。
It all hit me, in one moment: There’s levels to this game, you punk! You’re nobody!
一瞬間，一個念頭重擊了我：「你個小咖！你個無名小卒！這才是這個等級的水準。」
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| Daniel Ochoa de Olza for The Players' Tribune |
So I’m sitting there still in my dirty kit, and I’m not even taking my boots off.
於是，我穿著我的髒球衣就這麼坐在那裡，我甚至連球鞋脫掉都沒脫。
Everybody starts going to the showers and I’m seeing guys wearing Gucci underwear. Gucci f****** underwear, bro!!! When did they invent that??? How much does that even cost???
眾人紛紛前去梳洗，我看著大家的Gucci內褲。
他媽的，Gucci內褲欸各位！！！他們什麼時候收的？一條要花多少錢啊？
Hahahahah. I’m thinking: Hopefully mine don’t have any holes today! Pray to God my mum checked the laundry.
哈哈哈哈，那時我在想：拜託我今天不是穿到有洞的內褲！老天祈求，我媽洗衣服的時候有檢查。
I sat there for 20 minutes pretending that I was checking something really important on my phone. It was pure time-wasting. Guys were looking at me like, “Is something wrong, bro? You O.K.?”
我就這麼坐在那裡足足二十分鐘，假裝我有什麼超級重要的事情在手機上要處理。其實就是純然的浪費時間。大家盯著我「老兄，你有什麼毛病啊？你還好嗎？」
I’ve never felt so small.
我從來沒有覺得自己這麼渺小過。
I waited until everybody showered and went out to the parking lot, and then I finally got changed when it was just me and the kitman.
我等到大家盥洗完畢，都去停車場了，我才終於開始在只有我跟球衣管理員的情形下換起了衣服。
That night, I went to H&M and I said, “I need 10 packs of your best underwear.”
當天晚上，我去H&M跟店員說：「我要十條你們這裡最好的內褲。」
Hahahah! I remember saying to myself that night, “Man, who do you think you are? This is Real Madrid. You think you are Cristiano? You aren’t shit.”
哈哈哈，那天晚上我跟自己說：「你啊，你以為你是誰？這是皇馬耶。你以為你是C羅？你連屎都不是。」
I was a boy.
我就是個小男孩。
That’s the funny thing about football. You can have millions of followers, or millions of dollars, or millions of people telling you that you’re the greatest, and still be a stupid boy.
這是足球有趣的一環，你會有數以百萬計的追隨者、數以百萬計的金錢，還有數以百萬計的人耳提面命你是世界第一等，但你仍然是個笨小孩。
I had not won anything yet, and neither had anyone else in that dressing room. Why are we wearing Gucci underwear? Why do we need Louis Vuitton to hold our toothbrush? I’m not criticizing them, because I was just as naive. I’m just showing you the world of football, and how it changes you.
我當時什麼都沒贏下，更衣室裡的所有人也是。為什麼我們有資格穿Gucci內褲？為什麼刷牙的時候需要Louis Vuitton捧我們牙刷？我也不是說我要批評他們，畢竟這是我當時候幼稚的想法。我只是想跟你展示在足球世界，會有什麼改變你世界的情況。
Thankfully, I had the values of my parents as my foundation. Once I realized that I was nobody, I started to appreciate everything I was given.
萬分感激，我有我父母賜予我的價值觀作為我的人格基石。一度我瞭解了「我只是無名小卒」，我開始對我被給予的一切有著感激。
The feather mattress I was sleeping on.
我當時改睡的羽絨床墊。
The air conditioning.
有空調。
The 50 channels on the TV.
電視上有五十個頻道。
The kitman coming with our new boots.
帶著我們新球鞋的球隊管理員。
What the f***! This is paradise!
幹真假！這什麼天堂啊？
I remember driving into the players’ parking lot with my BMW X3, and it felt like I was driving a Ferrari. I pulled in like, “Guys, watch out. Don’t scratch the paint!”
我還記得我開著我的BMW X3進球員停車場的時候，我簡直覺得自己在開法拉利，我推排檔的時候是抱著「各位看仔細啦，不要給我刮到烤漆啊！」
It was the cheapest car in the lot. Hahahah. But it was the first car I ever owned, and I felt like a king.
但那其實是整個球員停車場最便宜的車了，哈哈哈。但那是我的第一台車，我感到我猶如王者一般。
This was the beginning of a beautiful time for me, because even though I had not made it yet at Madrid, and I was still a nobody, I was on the path to becoming a man.
那是我的璀璨時光的開頭，我當時還沒在皇馬做到什麼，還是個無名小卒，但我已經走在成為一個男人的道路上。
But the thing that unlocked everything for me — in football and in life — was Benicio.
但這時侯班尼西奧來了，他解鎖了對我來說關於足球、關於人生的萬事萬物。
For me, the most important chapter of my story is becoming a father.
對我來說，成為人父是我生命故事最重要的一章。
Even when I was 19, 20 years old, playing football, making money, driving nice cars, I was still a boy. Only when my first son was born when I was 21 did my life truly change.
在我19、20歲時，就算踢足球、賺大錢、開豪車，我本質上還是個小男孩。只有當我長子在我21歲出生時，我生命的一切就真的改變了。
That was my second perfect day.
那是我生命中完美的第二天。
Before that day, I would obsess over my performances. If I had a bad game, I would not even speak to my parents for 24 hours. I would go to my room and just sit alone and stew about my mistakes. I don’t know if that is healthy, but when you are playing at Real Madrid, the pressure is the most intense in the world. So you live it 100%.
那天之前，我會因為我在場上的表現心神不寧。如果我踢得不好，我會24小時不跟我爸媽說話，會待在自己房間靜靜坐著，反芻我犯過的錯誤。我不知道這健不健康啦，但當你為皇馬效力時壓力是世界上最緊繃的。你必須100%全神貫注。
Only when Benicio was born did I feel like a human being when I arrived home after a poor result. Once he could walk, he would come running to me at the front door with his Buzz Lightyear toy in his hands, and give me a hug. He doesn’t give a damn about the match. He doesn’t even know what football is. He just wants to “play Toy Story.”
唯有班尼西奧出生時，我就算在一場糟糕的比賽後返家，仍感覺自己像個人類。一旦他學會走路之後，他就會帶著手中的巴斯光年公仔奔向前門迎接我，給我一個大擁抱。他才不管比賽那些狗屁，他甚至不知道足球是什麼。「看玩具總動員」就是他的世界。
For me, his love changed me as a person and as a footballer. Mentally, I needed him, because nobody in the world is harder on me than me. And by the way — my wife? Mina? She is on another level! She knows the game very well, and she is Argentinian, and you know how they are. Hahahah. Whatever I do, it’s never enough.
對我來說，他給我愛改變了我作為一個人跟一個足球員的本質。打從心底我會需要他，因為沒有人比我自己對我自己更苛刻了。而另一方面——我老婆米娜——完全是另外一回事！她深知比賽如何進行，而且她作為阿根廷人，你知道他們有多狂熱哈哈哈。無論我做些什麼，也都永遠還不夠。
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| Chris Brunskill/Fantasista/Getty |
Remember when Ajax knocked us out of the Champions League? We got into the car after the match, and I was fuming, and the first thing she said to me: “Really, Fede? Are you serious? What was that? That’s how you are going to play for Real Madrid?”
還記得阿賈克斯淘汰我們那場歐冠比賽嗎？賽後我坐上車，火冒三丈到幾乎滿頭生煙了，她跟我說的第一句話是：「真的假的，小佛你認真？那什麼比賽？那是你幫皇馬踢球的方式嗎？」
I said, “You think I don’t know?”
我回嘴道：「你以為我不知道嗎？」
She said, “You didn’t risk anything. You have to shoot. It’s the strongest part of your game.”
她說：「你躲在你的舒適圈裡面，你應該要多去射門，那是你在場上最強的強項耶。」
Man, I had to crank the volume knob all the way up to drown out her analysis.
老兄，我得把音量鍵開到最大聲，才能掩蓋她忙不迭的賽後分析。
The worst part — and I would never tell her this, so I hope she is not reading — the worst part is that she was right. Hahahah. Damn!
最糟的事情是—我從來沒有跟她說這件事，希望她不會看到這篇—最糟的事情是她說的分析完全正確。哈哈幹！
We are a true football family — one Uruguayan plus one Argentinian — which adds up to f****** crazy.
我們是個純到不行的足球家庭—由一個烏拉圭人跟一個阿根廷人組成的—讓這一切層疊到幹他的狂熱。
So when my son was born, it was an amazing change.
於是，當我的兒子出生時，一切有了美好的改變。
I guess it’s like my mum, right? When you look at your son before you leave for training, you feel like a warrior. Like The Hulk. It’s different than when you’re 17 years old and your whole world is about Gucci belts. When you play for your son, it’s like you have superpowers.
我猜這有點像我媽當時照顧我的心境...吧？當我去訓練課前，看著我的兒子，我會覺得自己像是戰士、像是綠巨人浩克。一切跟我還在17歲時，全世界只關注Gucci皮帶那些的渾然不同了。當你是為了你的兒子而戰，你就像有超能力一樣。
I don’t think it’s a surprise that I had my best season in 2021–2022 when Benicio was two years old and turning into a little person with a real personality. When we won the Champions League that year, I felt like I had finally made my mark at Real Madrid. A few months later, we found out that we were pregnant again. We were so, so happy. For the first few months, everything was perfect. But then Mina went to see her doctor one day for some scans, and that’s when everything fell apart.
我在2021-22賽季，也就是班尼西奧兩歲開始有著自己的人格長成的那一年，是我表現最好的這一年，我想這不讓人驚奇。我們當年贏得了歐冠冠軍，感覺我終於在皇馬的歷史中留下了我的印記。幾個月後，我們發現我們家又有新生命要誕生了。我們非常、非常快樂，最初的幾個月一切看似完美。但隨著米娜有一天去看婦產科做了些掃描，霎時間，我感到世界分崩離析。
The doctor told us that the pregnancy was at an extremely high risk, and that there was a very small chance that our son would live if she continued the pregnancy. The doctor said that they would monitor the situation for the next month, but until then, there was nothing we could do but wait.
醫生告訴我們，這次的妊娠有著極高的風險，如果她堅持繼續妊娠，孩子存活的機率也是微乎其微。醫生說他們直到下個月都會持續監看狀況，但直到那時候，除了等待，我們夫婦什麼也無能為力。
Imagine hearing those words….
“Your baby probably isn’t going to make it.”
I can’t describe the pain.
想像看看，聽到「你的孩子可能沒辦法撐下來」......我無法用文字描述這樣的痛苦。
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| Daniel Ochoa de Olza for The Players' Tribune |
My wife was suffering physically and mentally every single day. Me, I just kind of shut down. I am somebody who locks everything inside. I know it’s not healthy, but that’s just me being real. I never want anybody to see me cry, ever. Even my family.
我老婆日以繼夜地承受著身體上與心理上的痛苦。我整個人就只能呈現當機似的。我是個把什麼事都鎖在心底的人。我知道這不健康，但這就是我最真實的樣子，我絕對、絕對不要任何看到我哭的樣子，就算是我家人也一樣。
My parents would join us for dinner and my mum would start to say, “Fede, look….”
我爸媽會跟我們共進晚餐。我媽會試著開話題，「小佛，你看喔......」
Bam. That’s all it took. I would get up from the table and go to my bedroom to be alone. The 20 hours of the day I wasn’t at football, I would isolate myself. No phone. No iPad. Just silence.
嘣。這就是當時一切看起來的情景。我會從餐桌走離，把自己關在房間裡面。一天有20個小時我不會去踢足球，我就會把自己孤立關起來。沒有電話、沒有滑平板，只剩下沈默常伴與我。
I felt like I had to be the rock, because everyone else was suffering. I was playing a character, you know? The strong, stoic guy, telling my wife, “It will all work out the way God intends.”
我總感覺，我要做好那個磐石般的硬漢，因為大家都在煎熬啊。我正在扮演那個角色，你知道吧？那種強壯的、能撐起半邊天的傢伙，來告訴我太太，「會一切照上帝的旨意的」。
But when I was alone, I would cry for hours. I used to go into the bathroom for 15 minutes, and for 10 minutes I’d be crying with my head in my hands. The morning of the match, when I was supposed to be concentrating and calm, I would be lying in bed, thinking about our son, spiraling….
但當我獨處的時候，我會不計其時的哭。當時我會在浴室待上十五分鐘，整整十分鐘，我會把我臉深埋在手掌間以淚洗面。每當比賽早上，當我應該要保持專注、冷靜的時候，我會就這麼躺在床上，想著我們未出世的孩子，腦袋奔騰團團轉......
Sometimes I wouldn’t play well, and I knew it, and I could hear the whistles from the fans. Then after the match I would have to answer questions from the media, and I didn’t want to show my emotions or tell people what was happening.
有時候我會打得不好，我自己也知道，並且會聽到來自球迷的吆喝罵聲。每當賽後我需要回應媒體記者的問題，我也絲毫不想表現出我的情緒，或讓人們知道我正經歷什麼事。
It was f****** hell.
那真是個幹他的煎熬地獄。
My advice to anyone going through something similar is that you don’t have to be stubborn like I was. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
要我給經歷過類似事情的人一個忠告，我會說，你不用像我一樣倔強。你不需要默默受苦。
After a match in April against Villareal, things hit rock bottom. Everyone knows the headlines. They know both sides of the “story.” I don’t want to bring up these ugly things again. All I want to say is this….
在當年四月一場跟Villareal的比賽，磐石般的我被從心底重擊。大家都知道當天的新聞頭條了。大家也知道兩造的「說法」。我不想要重提那些醜事，我想說的是......
On a football pitch, you can call me almost anything, and it doesn’t bother me. I am Uruguayan, for God’s sake. But there are certain lines that you do not cross. Not as a footballer, but as another human being.
一旦踏上球場，你可以用各種垃圾話稱呼我，我都不會受到影響。老天保佑，我可是個烏拉圭人。但有些底線是不該被逾越的。那無關足球，而是人性。
Speak about my family, and it’s not football anymore.
A line was crossed that day.
只要攻擊到我的家人，那就無關足球了。
那天，底線被逾越了。
Should I have reacted? Maybe not. Maybe I should have gone home and had a burger with my son — eat some chicken nuggets and watch cartoons. But I am a human being, and sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and for your family.
我應該要對此有所反應嗎？或許不。或許我應該要回家，然後跟我兒子吃個漢堡—再吃點雞塊、看個卡通就好。但我畢竟是個凡人，而有時候你得為你自己或是你的家人挺身而出。
It hurt to see the way that the media portrayed me as a violent person. Many lies were told that were later proven not to be true. But honestly, I can say that I don’t regret anything, because it made me grow even stronger as a person, and it brought our family even closer together.
媒體把我描繪成一個暴力份子其實讓人感到受傷。許多謊言四處流竄，又很快的被證實是假消息。但坦然以對，我並不感到後悔。因為那讓我作為人的那面更成長茁壯，並且讓我們家人之間的關係更加緊密。
Thank God, after that dark day, things got a lot better.
感謝上帝，在那個黑暗的日子過後，一切迎來了好轉。
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| Diego Souto/Quality Sport Images/Getty |
When my wife finally told the world what we were going through, it changed everything for us. The way my teammates and the Madridistas had our back is something that I will never forget. They have me and my family’s respect forever. I would miss a pass, and they would respond by chanting my name. At the Bernabéu, where the expectations are so high, this is a small miracle.
當我太太將我們的遭遇公諸於世，一切都改變了。我的隊友與馬德里主義者(球迷)的相挺，是我們一家永遠不會忘記的堅實後盾。他們將永遠被我與我的家人所敬重。當時倘若我漏接了一球，他們會以高唱我的名字回應我。在伯納烏球場回應我。在伯納烏球場，這猶如一場小型奇蹟。
To have 80,000 people supporting me like that, in my lowest moment, it felt like 80,000 hugs.
在我最低潮的時候，接受到80,000人給予我這樣的支持，那像是我接收到了80,000個擁抱。
To all of you…. All I can say is thank you.
跟你們大家說......我能夠跟你們說的，就是感謝了。
After a month and a half of pure hell, we got the best news of our lives. The scans were much better, and it looked like the pregnancy was O.K. to continue. Of course, the rest of the pregnancy was still an incredibly tense time. Until we were able to hold our son in our arms, we didn’t want to exhale. But, thank God, in June, our son Bautista came into the world.
在再一個半月煉獄般的日子後，我們的生活迎來了喜訊。掃描的結果樂觀許多，妊娠可以持續進行。當然，餘下的懷孕期間，仍是不可想像的緊繃。直到我們真的能在我們的臂彎緊抱我們兒子，我們都喘不過氣來。但感謝上帝，巴蒂斯塔在六月誕生在了這個世界。
Healthy and happy.
Our miracle.
A third perfect day.
頭好壯壯，洋溢幸福。
奇蹟呀。
完美的第三天。
You know.... I’m not easy on myself, in football or in life. I don’t think I’d ever felt satisfied before. I’d never felt like I had truly succeeded, or done enough.
你知道......我對我自己無論是在足球或是人生，都從不寬待。我以前從來沒有對自己感到滿意，我從來不會覺得我什麼時候真的成功了，或是做得已經夠多了。
But that morning at the hospital, when my wife was holding Bautista in her arms, I thought, Fede, look at them. This is it.
但那個在醫院的早上，當我太太臂彎懷抱著巴蒂斯塔，我卻滿腦想著，小佛，你看他們，這就是了。
You have won.
你贏了。
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